Friday 5 December 2008

Breaking taboos on the Piccadilly Line


On the crowded Piccadilly Line this morning an old man got on behind me. A young woman immediately jumped to her feet to offer him her seat. In a rather posh and very loud voice the old fellow declaimed to her in the hearing of the whole crowded carriage:
'Oh no thank you. You are blonde and beautiful and I plan to make love to my wife this evening and standing up and looking at you will keep me in the mood! Where are you from?'
The entire carriage convulsed in laughter and people actually made eye contact. He had broken several taboos at once. Firstly he was an old man openly admitting to having a sex life. Secondly he was unashamedly chatting up a young attractive woman, who herself had (shock horror) offered up her seat (but she did turn out to be Dutch). But most shocking of all he was engaging a stranger in conversation on the tube.
The laughter subsided and the woman got off at the next stop so the old chap turned to a couple with a small child and again opened a conversation by enquiring where they were from. An animated discussion of the merits of Yorkshire followed until the family got off and our hero turned to a man with a large holdall.
'Where are you off to?'
It transpired the younger man was heading to Bangkok to visit his brother, who had retired out there. In the course of the next few minutes we all discovered his brother was gay, he was called Jerry, he lived in Spain, worked as a chef, was about to take up a new job in Finland, had a father who had been a prison officer, came from the North East, had parents who had been married for 46 years and he did not have a wife or girlfriend. We listened as the old man in turn told Jerry he was a physician, had served as a medical officer in Vietnam, discussed the merits of MASH and the museums of County Durham and was off to have a cheap lunch at a catering college in Hammersmith.
In the meantime, a young man got on and sat down with his girlfriend and seeing the old man, jumped to his feet to offer his seat. (My God twice on one journey - what are we Londoners coming to? - but then he turned out to be Spanish!). This offer produced another explanation from the old man that he preferred to stand, as standing had a very beneficial effect on his constitution and he intended to make love to his wife that evening. As by now most of the carriage had arrived subsequent to his previous declaration of intent, once again everyone burst out laughing and exchanged those "this is not supposed to happen on the tube" looks. The old man turned to me and suggested I rush home and make love, as it was much better exercise than jogging or cycling. For a moment I thought he was going to suggest that Jerry join me, until he added:
"You can't beat a bit of horizontal jogging. Of course only if you are married. I don't want to encourage any extra-marital sex." Again people fell about laughing.
By now we had reached Hammersmith, where he was going for his student-prepared lunch. Jerry wished him goodbye, gave him a card for his restaurant in Fuengirola and took a seat further up the carriage to continue his journey to Heathrow. I returned to reading my book. Silence engulfed the crowded carriage once again.
As I walked home from the Tube a young man came towards me and, looking the other way as we passed, whispered conspiratorially "It's Friday!"
Maybe all this talking to strangers is a by-product of the recession? Are people breaking out of their cocoons and starting to communicate with each other?
If I don't manage to do any horizontal jogging this week maybe I'll go up to Co. Durham and check out the Beamish and Bowes Museums.

3 comments:

Pickwick said...

Such a lovely post - can't wait for the next one!

Sean Ashe said...

Clare a brilliant story. Almost sounds too good to be true, there's nothing like good old English eccentricity. I look forward to your next post.

The Make it and Mend it team said...

Thanks Sean and Pickwick for your lovely remarks. When someone does talk like that on the tube it is so weird that we think it weird - we are probably the most silent commuters in the world - and I'm sure the Metro newspaper has a lot to answer for on that count!